Mantra Monday: One can be a lonely number if you let it

The single friend.
I've been that person for a long time now.
It never really stood out to me, until Destin.

We were sitting in the airport, talking about this amazing weekend we just experienced.
We all felt sad to leave each other knowing it would be a while before we saw each other.
But everyone around me was happy, they were going home to their loved ones.
Except me.

I was going back to a town I lived in by default.
I was going back to an empty house.
I was going back to my giraffe.
I was going back to me.

Prior to this trip, I would tell myself this was okay.
That being alone wasn't really that bad.
That I didn't need someone to define who I was.

All of that is still true, but something else was there.
Something was missing in my life.
A void that I had filled with family and my best friend.
It took losing them for me to even question dating.
But it took this trip for me to realize that my heart was heavy.

I knew I had a life most people long for and appreciate.
I travel for work, I've accomplished a lot in a short time.
I'm crushing my goals to be debt free.
I wake up everyday with the ability to decide my fate that day.

For the last two and a half years, I've told myself being in a relationship wasn't practical.
That my lifestyle wasn't conducive to relationships.
That my work schedule was honestly insane, who would want to put up with this?

That human tendency of comparison was creeping in.
As someone who has struggled with worth for all of my life, I started to feel that it was me.
It became less about the way I saw myself, and more about the opinions of others.
When we talked about vision boards and buckets for time management, it felt like everyone had a relationship and family bucket but me.

Insecurities stared to surface again, ones that had taken me time to overcome.
Started to obsess about myself, my lifestyle choices, my body.
Started to question what was my issue, why had I built such a wall for so long.
But it took me time to work through this to understand that comparison truly steals your joy.

So what do you do when you're the single one in your social circle?

#1 STOP ISOLATING YOURSELF- You probably didn't even realize you were doing it, but it can get old always attending events by yourself and everyone pairs off. You may steer away from social gatherings, avoid dinners. Instead of worrying about attending your next event alone, rock a new outfit, channel your inner strength and LET GO of the fears of others. It's not their life it's yours.

#2 EMBRACE YOUR CURRENT LIFE- It can be rare to be single, heck some of my friends have never been single and others have been married and already have children. Once you settle down and commit to someone, there's no going back in my opinion, you work to build the relationship you are in. So instead of focusing on everything you feel like you are missing out, embrace the fact that you are only responsible for you. Embrace the freedom to come and go as you please. Take the pressure off of yourself because of our stereotypical society that assumes by now you should be engaged or walking down the aisle.

#3 CHANGE UP YOUR ROUTINE- If you find that your current social circle makes you feel inadequate, change things up. Take time to focus on other interests that your friends might not necessarily want to participate in. Take time to try a new yoga class, go to a painting class, head to the movies. Instead of comparing yourself to those you know, step up and invite a friend or coworker to do something. It's easy for us to assume we are the only ones when we stick to what we know, but if you look around your office, odds are there is someone else in a similar situation that would love someone to invite them to do something fun.

Personally for me, it's the need to establish patience with myself and where I am at in my life. Prior to now, being in a relationship would never have been a good idea. It takes time to heal after a long term relationship and it's still taking me time to grieve the unexpected losses that consumed me for so long. Only you can know when the time is right for you to branch out of your comfort zone. You have to know where you are comfortable and respect what your heart is telling you.

For me, I know that online dating is not for me. That swiping left or right on an app just won't happen. I know I'm not the girl of the month so casually associating with others will not bring happiness to me. For me, I know that taking time to appreciate what I do bring to the table will enable me to develop the strength I need for when the time is right. But I know as hard as it can be to be the single friend, that time is the best thing for you. Never rush into a scenario because you feel pressured by the opinions of others.

Embrace who you are, because you are fabulous, you are strong and you deserve true happiness.

Happy Monday loves!