Sometimes Our Life Doesn't Go As Planned....Keep Moving Forward

Two weeks ago, I posted about how I was getting back on track (or so I thought I was). Silly me thought I could just live at my normal pace and grieve at the same time. That I could go about my day, close my thoughts off for my work day and deal with the sadness when I got home. The reality is it's not like that at all. I haven't been able to get back to my normal pace, I don't sleep through the

night and naps have been keeping me alive.

Grief is real. Hard. Tiring. Sickening.

But.....

Grief is a part of life. One that I experienced more times last year than I care to accept and now this great loss. The one that honestly used to bring me to tears having to even imagine life without my best friend. That is now my reality. That is life and God takes those when they are ready. Grief can truly throw us off course, bring us painful moments that we don't think we can survive, can ruin us if we let it.

Don't let it ruin you. Losing someone is painful. Awful at times. But the person you loved and lost doesn't want you to fall apart. They would want the best for you. Even though that is hard to stomach, to imagine, to believe. It is true.

Sooo....what have I been doing?

Honestly, first just trying to get it together. It started with my first weekend back in the city. I took time to clean my apartment and unpack (hadn't done that even though I had lived there for almost three weeks),  I went grocery shopping ( I hadn't actually gone for a full trip) and did simple things like laundry.

That was my start. Nothing great. Nothing impressive. I just tried to live. I went to work that week and did my best to stay focused on the moment, to not think ahead, to just do what was necessary in that second. From there I sat down and decided what I wanted. That is where things started to shift, the wind was changing, my life was about to change and I had no idea.

As I thought about what I truly wanted for my life my dreams and aspirations were of a great variety. This made me realize that the course I was on was not destined for the greatness I wanted for my life. So then I started to make a new goal list specific to my dream life (the one I secretly wanted but didn't share).

Next....well I jumped out of a plane. YES. Sounds crazy but I had a bucket-list and hadn't crossed anything off in years. So I started there-that lead me to skydiving. Nothing is freer than sitting on the edge of a plane and just letting go. As I soared through the air, looking at the world below me I finally felt free again. I thought how I was one step closer to my grandfather, I had just taken the final leap of faith to start living for my life  that I was designing. I was ready to live.

Here I sit on a Friday night (technically early Saturday morning) responding to messages, checking in with my clients and crossing things off of my to do list.

Ready as I will ever be to live for me, for today, and keep my grandfather's memory alive in my heart.

Check out my jump at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5gW6RoIrhgU