Starting over truly is a process that no one expects or wants to experience but it's something that now I see was necessary for me to establish the person I am today. But starting over is an incredibly difficult process that involves a lot of trial, error and failure. At first, I resisted the need for change. Even after I packed my bags and moved out a place that became my home, I assumed it would all go back to normal. It was terrifying to think that I would wake up alone, in a different place, and I would have to accept that the world I had so loved and had became comfortable with was in fact, gone. This in fact was my phase one and that fear was a daily reality.
When you are forced to let go, when you are forced into a situation you did not want or ask for it means that you are going to need time for self reflection and to relieve scenarios and moments. This is a brutal and tiring phase because it means that you truly have to look deep inside your heart and soul to realize the mistakes you made, to establish and understand why you truly have to let go. This truly can be a huge opportunity for growth, but I know I was still bitter and angry that I had no control over what was happening. Until you truly reflect in a way of wholeheartedness you cannot move forward. Thus, you have to experience the phases of grief, accept the devastation, overcome the angry and then learn that you must take control and move forward.
When you get to the point that you realize you have to move on, you have to really focus on what you have versus what you no longer have. This is the time when I had to really look at the relationships I still had, to focus on the friends and family that were holding me together. This only meant that I had to resolve issues with those that I never truly made time for. When one is committed in a long term relationship, our priorities change and we don't always make as much time for others as we should. So this is an opportunity to really love on those around you and focus on those who are still supporting you through this time. You must come to a point of mental, spiritual and emotional clarity before you can move forward on your journey.
Now--> the transformation happens because when you're starting over completely you get to DEFINE who you are and what you want your life to be. Determine what are you doing with your life? Is it what you want? Determine your dreams, goals and aspirations. Starting over is a complex time and you can take the complexity out by breaking down your life and focusing on who you are to understand yourself more. Personally for me, this did not come until I experienced a significant amount of tragedy. It was not until my heart was completely broken open that I was able to understand myself, my mission for life and who I wanted to become.
Once you realize that you have worth, that you do in fact still have a life, you have goals and you do matter it's time to start planning again. This can be the most important phase because you visualize where you are going to start and start planning the steps to make it happen. I have found over the last year as I experience this phase that it is best to make these goals time oriented and really establish a future. Remember, it's important to openly dream, not just in a professional or personal manner but in a fun manner. Dream about your travels, experiences and upcoming adventures.
Now....it's time to act. You are officially ready to take the world on and conquer life instead of letting life conquer you. This is an opportunity to make your life right again and improve in every aspect of your life. Trust in yourself that you are worthy of all things wonderful and that you in fact believe in your abilities to live a more fulfilled life.
One of the most important passages I have read in my life came from the book, "The Energy Bus" the passage stated: "I once heard this saying that God keeps breaking your heart until it opens. And ain't that the truth. Think about it. Every struggle, every challenger, every adversity brings you closer to your heart, to your true self, to who you really are. Sometimes you got to be broken down to the point where you feel powerless to discover your ultimate and true power."
Now go confidently in the direction of your dreams and know the pain you are feeling is not permanent. Your worth is not defined by one person and you deserve to get in touch with the real, positive and powerful self you possess.
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